- Grandpas like him are very rare.
Today Dec 26th, my Thathu (how my sister & I like to call him) would have completed 91 years. Unfortunately, he left us in May 2021. Thankfully there wasn’t a prolonged suffering or illness that he had to endure. He decided he was done with his affairs on earth and called it time to hang up his boots… he sort of left on his own terms which is a mild solace. A small and humble ode to T.S. Swaminathan (alias Swamy) Dec 26 1930- May 11 2021 commemorating his first birthday since he left us. This day sure floods my heart with loads of memories as the holiday season and Christmas mood always reminds me of you. I wish you were here and we were sharing your favorite plum cake on your birthday while discussing your age and chattering away…
Thathu- the man: a self-made individual and a good friend
Swamy was the second born and only son to his parents T.S. Subramaniam and Smt. Janani. From a very tender age, Swamy was trained to be independent, curious and with a mind of his own. He left home early for education and completed his early schooling while staying with his aunt. He further pursued post graduate studies as a hostel resident. He was a MSc. Organic Chemistry graduate working as a Chemist in a lab when his wedding was arranged. Being the brilliant and hardworking man that he was, shortly after, he cleared his IAS examination and got into the employment of Central Board of Excise and Customs, India. His job took him all over India and he had some of the most fascinating tales to share from his experiences. Due to the nature of his job, my mom and uncles moved school all around Indian cities – e.g. Cochin, Delhi, Calcutta, Baroda and Assam to name a few. This could have been annoying to them as kids but I know that as older adults now they thank their stars for the wide exposure to different cultures, food, people and lifestyle they had at that time. I have heard from his children that Swamy was an affectionate yet strict father who was extremely busy with work during the kid’s prime formative years which meant my grandma did the bulk of the heavy lifting in terms of the kid’s day-to-day. My Mother being the only daughter among the four kids, nevertheless enjoyed my grandfather’s pampering in moderation. Not to mention he ensured the boy’s education and careers were also taken care of by supporting them in the best way he could. That was Thathu always I guess- a man within reason who was always fair both in his love and duties. Along his tenure in Central excise and his stay in the different cities, Swamy forged some long standing friendships with colleagues and neighbors and their respective families that still holds not only with his generation but also with the next.
Thathu- the husband: kind, compassionate and supportive
I obviously can’t speak for Swamy as a new and young husband, but from the anecdotes I have heard from family and friends of his time and having witnessed his companionship with my grandmother (Amamma) in his older age, I can say without doubt that he was a very caring, supportive, empathetic and loving husband.
Even as a child I could say that Thatha and Amamma were as different as chalk and cheese. While Thatha was rational, pragmatic, calm and composed Amamma was nervous, took things too seriously, worried too much and lacked a sense of humor. However, instead of just being together despite their differences, they complimented each other exemplarily and made a lovely couple. Especially after his retirement from Central Excise (which is when we grandkids came into the picture), he took a great interest in supporting my grandma to run the affairs of the home which was still functioning as a semi- joint family with at-least 1 of not 2 of his son’s families living together. He was an unprejudiced patriarch in that sense and enjoyed being the diligent planner who ran the errands around the house and kept the fort together.
The small gestures of love and protectiveness which he portrayed very casually with my grandma are just remarkable if I sit and think back now. Simple everyday chores that they shared are so cute and unique to think of for their generation. Thatha enjoyed and took charge of most chores at home: be it vegetable and grocery shopping, bank tasks, visit to the dry cleaners, managing the gardener to mention a few. If Amamma was tired, Thatha was on dosai duty for breakfast. Once Amamma finished her cooking, adding salt to the paruppu, adding the thalippu and lemon to the rasam, preparing the buttermilk and setting the table was all taken care of by Thatha. If they were leaving the house to go out, he would diligently make sure all the doors and windows were closed, cupboards locked and things put away neatly and not burden Amamma. He would get the car started and running and wait for Amamma to get in. He treated her oh so gently. This was so tender to watch as he was not spoiling a child or pampering a youngster. He was genuinely making up for the time he did not have to care for his young bride perhaps owing to work, constant touring and four kids on toe. A bulk of his time was also invested in caring for and spending quality time with his grandchildren- more about this is in the next section.
Their couple squabbles were always fun to watch. Thatha would constantly pull Amamma’s leg over her watching Tamil mega serials on TV. He would make jokes and yet when the serial rolled, he would stand right in front of the TV screen and get sucked in to the melodrama which would irk Amamma. She on the other hand would always keep nudging Thatha to keep in touch with his driving even as he grew older so he would not become lethargic or lose his confidence to drive.
In 2009, Amamma had a small fall in the temple. It just seemed like an unfortunate small accident but Alas! What followed was that the fall had caused a deeper injury which she never ever recovered from till her very end. Gradually Amamma got hip and leg aches that led her to be bed ridden for the next 4-5 years.
The way Thatha cared for Amamma over that period was just so heartwarming. He would make sure all her medicines were ordered in advance and clearly organize them in boxes. He would ensure she eats right, she is comfortable, her clothes neatly maintained in her cupboard and her ointments and creams kept within her reach. He would apply the pain balms on the legs and feet several times a day. His thoughts during her last few years were only in how to keep her engaged and her mood more cheerful. He has personally had many conversations with me during that time that he really does not know what to do to help Amamma and that he really feels bad for what she was going through.
Even when my mom, uncles, or us grand children were trying to be a bit hard on Amamma wanting her to put more efforts into Physio and try to walk, he would ask us to not pressurize her and make her feel upset. He would say that he can take care of her the way she is and that he did not need any of us around if we were to upset Amamma with constant nagging on her needed to push herself more to feel better.
Amamma’s passing was very painful and I cannot imagine how Thatha must have felt. However, being the pragmatic and wise person he was, he said that she had suffered enough and if she were to have had to endure the pain there was no point in her needing to linger for his or our selfish interests. Thatha was our rock. He could handle and accept any situation. But for a couple who spent 58 years together, it was a big blow for Thatha and he did not really recover from it fully.
His and our one big regret is that Amamma missed living long enough to become a great-grandmother. She would have thoroughly enjoyed that experience and would have been overjoyed. But I guess our wishes never cease and as it is said: all good things come to an end, Amamma’s chapter did too. But Thatha soldiered on boldly and cheerfully for another 6.5 years and he was lucky to see an army of 5 great-grand boys and he did cherish and witness some very endearing memories.
Thathu- the grandfather: fun-loving, hand’s-on and enthusiastic
My earliest memories of Thathu are of an involved, caring, fun-loving and hands-on grandfather. This image of him never changed till almost his very end.
We were 7 cousins who grew up together and during most summer holidays at least 5 of us (my brother, sister and me were already 3) used to be with our grandparents. Anyone who is a parent already knows, managing 7 kids at once is not a joke and is nothing short of a nightmare. Thatha was not the one to bog down under pressure. He expertly managed all of us almost single handedly and how!
Thatha was an expert story-teller. His knack got getting children engaged in mythological tales and get them to finish their vegetables and leave the table satisfied, smiling and with gleamingly clean plates was sheer magic to watch. He was like the pied piper and we kids were the rats who blindly got enthralled and sucked into his enchanting world of Ramayana, Mahabharatha or Tenali Raman and obeyed his commands.
When I said he was a hands on grandparent, I meant literally. Every evening of the summer holidays he would March our army of cousins to the Besent Nagar beach to play. He would literally play all games with us: be it building sand castles, blind man’s bluff, 4 corners, running and catching, frisbee etc. The best fun we had were at the balloon shooting stands at the beach- where we each got one turn to prove our talent. But more often than not there would be a couple of kids wanting to go for a second round as they did not fare well in their first turn and Thatha would then step in to play judge and always Thatha’s decision would prevail. After a good 2.5 hours of play he would then March us back home while on the way resolving all our complaints and fights that build up during the play. The walk home also involved some ice cream or cake or snack while making sure we all got something we wanted and careful enough to not stuff us so we don’t lose our appetite for dinner.
The amount of naughty things we kids did when together: climbing across balconies onto the terrace of our neighbor’s houses, picking their pretty flowers from the garden, playing ball inside the house and wasting water while playing water games. Some of these had even gotten Thatha angry and we have witnessed his occasional anger that showed us glimpses of what he must have been in his younger days. Yet, his equation with us being a grandpa, in the end he would get us all together and talk some sense into us calmly by correlating with anecdotes from his childhood or a moral tale from yore. Thatha made post-scolding make-up sessions also fun and interesting.
I have spent several hours during school days especially during exam preparations or when I was feeling low, to talk to Thathu (over the now extinct landline phone) and he would always boost my mood and bring a smile to my face. He would pep my mood and give me a boost of confidence. He did have the vice of making not-so-funny jokes and laugh at them loudly and mostly alone. But eventually, his comments would be light-hearted and easy going that would make you feel good at the end of the talk.
Even when I was in college for my Bachelors pursuing Biotechnology, he would call me and speak about some news article he read about “biodiesel” or “micro algae” or “genetic advances” that he found exciting and remembered to share them with me. He was always inquisitive and motivated to read and learn about new things. He would love reading the newspaper cover to cover and that is something that frustrated him most when his eye site started going weak the last 3 years when he could no longer read. He would enjoy watching the English news debates on current political topics and would watch and follow most cricket matches. He could mix with people of all generations which is a remarkable trait. He loved going to exhibitions and purchasing something new for the house: be it curtains or cushion covers or bed sheets. He loved life and always saw possibilities and positivity in it.
One of the last occasions I saw Thathu was at his 90th birthday celebrations organized by my sister and mother. It was indeed a perfect get together of our immediate family with loads of Thatha’s extended family, friends and well-wishers sending their wishes virtually. Thatha was very happy and amused to see the new technology playing a helpful role at his birthday celebration during the dreaded times of COVID. Even here he was gleeful at all the surprises we had prepared for him.
What can I say, people like Thatha are rare and the type of grandfather he was is hard to comprehend for many. I am just so happy and grateful I had the chance to spend so much time with him growing up and wish I could have been physically more close to him in the last 4-5 years. While those regrets stay, I can confidently say that Thatha was not the type to linger on the negatives. So we shall move on looking towards a brighter tomorrow.
Even now when I think of Thatha, I only see his smiling face and affectionate eyes that reveal 9 decades of experience with a sense of satisfaction. Thatha you will be missed but your spirit shall remain in our hearts forever. Though you were a short man by stature you leave behind a large looming shadow. You have been a role model, a loving figure and a wise human being. Your life is our lesson and we shall honestly strive to learn from it.
My earliest memories of Thathu are of an involved, caring, fun-loving and hands-on grandfather. This image of him never changed till almost his very end.
We were 7 cousins who grew up together and during most summer holidays at least 5 of us (my brother, sister and me were already 3) used to be with our grandparents. Anyone who is a parent already knows, managing 7 kids at once is not a joke and is nothing short of a nightmare. Thatha was not the one to bog down under pressure. He expertly managed all of us almost single handedly and how!
Thatha was an expert story-teller. His knack got getting children engaged in mythological tales and get them to finish their vegetables and leave the table satisfied, smiling and with gleamingly clean plates was sheer magic to watch. He was like the pied piper and we kids were the rats who blindly got enthralled and sucked into his enchanting world of Ramayana, Mahabharatha or Tenali Raman and obeyed his commands.
When I said he was a hands on grandparent, I meant literally. Every evening of the summer holidays he would March our army of cousins to the Besant Nagar beach to play. He would literally play all games with us: be it building sand castles, blind man’s bluff, 4 corners, running and catching, frisbee etc. The best fun we had were at the balloon shooting stands at the beach- where we each got one turn to prove our talent. But more often than not there would be a couple of kids wanting to go for a second round as they did not fare well in their first turn and Thatha would then step in to play judge and always Thatha’s decision would prevail. After a good 2.5 hours of play he would then March us back home while on the way resolving all our complaints and fights that build up during the play. The walk home also involved some ice cream or cake or snack while making sure we all got something we wanted and careful enough to not stuff us so we don’t lose our appetite for dinner.
The amount of naughty things we kids did when together: climbing across balconies onto the terrace of our neighbor’s houses, picking their pretty flowers from the garden, playing ball inside the house and wasting water while playing water games. Some of these had even gotten Thatha angry and we have witnessed his occasional anger that showed us glimpses of what he must have been in his younger days. Yet, his equation with us being a grandpa, in the end he would get us all together and talk some sense into us calmly by correlating with anecdotes from his childhood or a moral tale from yore. Thatha made post-scolding make-up sessions also fun and interesting.
I have spent several hours during school days especially during exam preparations or when I was feeling low, to talk to Thathu (over the now extinct landline phone) and he would always boost my mood and bring a smile to my face. He would pep my mood and give me a boost of confidence. He did have the vice of making not-so-funny jokes and laugh at them loudly and mostly alone. But eventually, his comments would be light-hearted and easy going that would make you feel good at the end of the talk.
Even when I was in college for my Bachelors pursuing Biotechnology, he would call me and speak about some news article he read about “biodiesel” or “micro algae” or “genetic advances” that he found exciting and remembered to share them with me. He was always inquisitive and motivated to read and learn about new things. He would love reading the newspaper cover to cover and that is something that frustrated him most when his eye site started going weak the last 3 years when he could no longer read. He would enjoy watching the English news debates on current political topics and would watch and follow most cricket matches. He could mix with people of all generations which is a remarkable trait. He loved going to exhibitions and purchasing something new for the house: be it curtains or cushion covers or bed sheets. He loved life and always saw possibilities and positivity in it.
One of the last occasions I saw Thathu was at his 90th birthday celebrations organized by my sister and mother. It was indeed a perfect get together of our immediate family with loads of Thatha’s extended family, friends and well-wishers sending their wishes virtually. Thatha was very happy and amused to see the new technology playing a helpful role at his birthday celebration during the dreaded times of COVID. Even here he was gleeful at all the surprises we had prepared for him.
What can I say, people like Thatha are rare and the type of grandfather he was is hard to comprehend for many. I am just so happy and grateful I had the chance to spend so much time with him growing up and wish I could have been physically more close to him in the last 4-5 years. While those regrets stay, I can confidently say that Thatha was not the type to linger on the negatives. So we shall move on looking towards a brighter tomorrow.
Even now when I think of Thatha, I only see his smiling face and affectionate eyes that reveal 9 decades of experience with a sense of satisfaction. Thatha you will be missed but your spirit shall remain in our hearts forever. Though you were a short man by stature you leave behind a large looming shadow. You have been a role model, a loving figure and a wise human being. Your life is our lesson and we shall honestly strive to learn from it.
FaceTheMusic 